Only a true southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption and
that you don't have them, you pitch them.
A true southerner knows how many fish, collard green, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc.
it takes to make a mess.
Any true southerner can point a finger or show you the general direction of 'yonder'.
A true southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is: As in, "I'm going to town, be
back directly."
Even true southern babies know that "gimmie some sugar" is not a request for the white
granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All true southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They may not use the term, but
they know it well.
True southerners know instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's
got trouble is a plate of hot, fried chicken and big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the trouble is a real crisis, they also
know to add a large banana puddin'.)
True southerners both know and understand the difference between a redneck, a good ol'
boy and po' white trash. We also know the difference between a smidgen, a pinch and a dab.
No true southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually
going to turn.
True southerners know that "fixin" can be used as a noun, verb and adverb.
True southerners make friends standing in line. We don't do "queues", we do "lines".
And when we're in line, we talk to everybody.
Put 100 true southerners in a room and half of them will discover they are related,
if only by marriage.
True southerners never refer to one person as y'all. And true southerners know that
grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every true southerner (except me) knows that tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits and coffee
are wonderful. I say "except me" because I personally have no use for a red tomato! I do know that redeye gravy is also a
breakfast food and that fried green tomatoes are not breakfast food.
When you ask someone how they're doing and they reply, "fair to middlin' ", you know
you're in the presence of a true southerner. And if they reply, "Hanging in there like hair in a biscuit", you're in the presence
of a true southerner with a sense of humor.
We say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk". Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots
if it. We do NOT like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means we do not want buttermilk.
True southerners know you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30
mph on the freeway. You say, "Bless her heart" and go your way.
True southerners understand what it means to "dob" something somewhere. "If you'll put
some paint on your brush, you can dob some on the wall and cover that tobacco stain."
We know that sugar goes in the tea, not cornbread, and for heaven's sake, don't put
sugar in the grits!
All true southerners know what a 'possum is and a few of us can recognize one that hasn't
been hit by a car.
True southerners say "yes ma'am" because once upon a time their mama taught them respect
and she taught them to fully appreciate the phrase, "I'll tear your fanny out of the frame."
True southerners know that "switch" is not a verb it is a noun and it is the time honored
way to instill respect. (see above statement.)
